Save your marriage

The truth is, you are in a better position to be your wife’s husband than anyone on earth. You are married to her, and you are the father of her child. She wants a divorce because the disadvantages have far outweighed the advantages for so long that she has made this heartrending decision for; her it is painful! But it is even more painful for her to remain married to you.

The solution is for you to see that her relationship with you is painless and clearly in her best interest. You must eliminate every situation where she has been uncomfortable (including your trying to get her to stop talking to her friends), and replace it with things you do that meet her emotional needs. Granted, since she is in a state of Withdrawal, at first, she will not want you to meet her needs, so she may not give you much opportunity. But she is in Withdrawal because you are doing and saying things that cause her to raise her defenses. Stop trying to straighten her out and start making her life enjoyable! Then she will lower her defenses, emerge from the state of Withdrawal and allow you to meet her needs.

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You’ve been to marriage counseling for a year, yet she is divorcing you. Was the counselor as surprised she left as you? I’m sure your counselor has a few suggestions based on his or her observations that will help you see what your wife is running away from.

Find out what she is most afraid of if she returns. Perhaps she thinks you are responsible for her losing her self-esteem and identity or being depressed. If so, what does she think you could have done to prevent that from happening? Are you disrespectful toward her? Do you threaten her? Do you make demands? What do you do that makes her unhappy? Whatever it is, learn to overcome it.